I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
