He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
