For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
