I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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