i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
