Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
