Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
