yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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