Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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