I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
