youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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