My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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