If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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