Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
