he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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