i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
