Will you blow on my dice?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
