Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
