Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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