why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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