Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
