I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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