proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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