There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
