I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
