shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
