im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
