y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
