I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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