remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
