Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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