How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
