Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
