apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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