these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
