We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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