i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
