What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
