the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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