i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
