At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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