Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
