I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize