So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
