I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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