honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
