just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
