Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
