suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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