Come see our sink grown plant.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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