You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
