btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
