i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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