3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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