watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
