this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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