I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
