He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
