He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
