Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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