I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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