watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
