dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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