I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
